On Being Spoiled

Why do we lose sight of all we have?

Hi Zan, Hi Pa

Volume #15

April 25th, 2024

HI, ZAN:  Maybe it’s because I just got back from a long Italian vacation, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of being ‘spoiled’. I try hard to remain grateful for all we have in comparison with what so many billions of people on this planet have and don’t have.  But at moments I worry about what comfort and luxury do to a soul.  Any thoughts?

HI, PA: Have you been reading my mind? This is something I think about almost every day! The phrase “an embarrassment of riches” echoes in my head any time I open my kitchen cupboards or walk into a grocery store… 

I’ve been in Salt Lake City, Utah for a travel conference this weekend, and had a moment a couple of days ago in which I felt spoiled as could be. All conference attendees were bused to the ski town of Park City for the day, and the conference organizers assured us we could leave our belongings on one bus when we got off for dinner and then get on another bus to go back to the hotel because they would do a sweep for items left behind. But at the end of the day my stainless steel water bottle was missing from the bus seat where I’d left it. And I’ll admit that my first reaction was annoyance—I had a brief mental fantasy about making a big stink and getting a replacement water bottle for free (thanks to obsequious Amazon customer service for that instinct).

Luckily, the annoyance was quickly countered by the thought: with all the suffering in the world, you’re really upset that the bottle you use to hold safe drinking water might be gone? I almost laughed out loud at myself. 

Do you ever have moments like that?

PA:  I have countless moments like that.  The other day I had a minor fit because the golf club where I play is now requiring tee times to be made via an app (and a poorly designed one), rather than with a simple phone call to the pro shop.  It’s embarrassing to write that, to see it in print, but it’s true.  

In general, though, I try to be grateful as much as possible, raise money for various charities, and push myself to be more generous.  Mom and I were poor for a few years in the early part of our relationship, when I was driving a cab and then doing painting and carpentry jobs for four dollars an hour, and she was waitressing.  And, more recently, there were plenty of years when the worry about money was a constant burden.   Both of us have lived for long stretches in places where clean drinking water was in fact a luxury, where the food, medical care, and accommodations were not remotely close to what we enjoy now.

Most of the time I keep those experiences in mind, and also keep in mind the hunger and misery that surrounds us on this earth.  But I can’t honestly say I’m able to maintain that perspective every hour of every day.  It’s a real challenge, isn’t it?