Comfort Zones

How comfortable is too comfortable?

Hi Zan, Hi Pa

Volume #33

January 25th, 2025

HI, PA: I came across this line in a book I read recently (The Mountain is You): “The greatest gift that life will hand you is discomfort.” That has me thinking about comfort zones—how we get in and out of them and why they can feel like traps. So how would you define your comfort zone?

HI, ZAN: My domestic routine in semi-retirement is, for me, the definition of a comfort zone. Wake up, do my back exercises in my own bed, shower, shave, coffee from the Italian coffee maker (Moka), breakfast with your mother. Then a long walk with her, writing, meditation, golf in the good weather, maybe some carpentry project around the house, visits with friends, a little time with my daughters in person or on the computer, a crossword puzzle in the evening, some Italian practice. It’s definitely a nice, comfortable life, but I do think it lulls me to sleep in a certain way at times. On the flip side, every day for 45 years I’ve lived with a pretty substantial amount of pain and physical discomfort thanks to psoriatic arthritis, a broken upper back, and surgery on my lower back. So I guess I’ve had plenty of ‘gifts,’ too, and those increase as you age.

PA, CONTINUED: What’s your comfort zone? And what are the negatives and positives?

ZAN: Interesting—my comfort zone is being outside my comfort zone, traveling far away from a domestic routine! I feel most comfortable when exploring the world solo, being an outsider observing and experiencing a different culture from my own. There are plenty of discomforts that accompany life on the road, but they feel more familiar and acceptable to me than the discomforts of mundane life at home.

The problem with being in my comfort zone is that it makes it too easy to escape what’s going on in my mind, to operate on autopilot in some way. That feels good for a while, but it’s not satisfying in the same way that growing and overcoming challenges can be. I guess the positive element to that is that it feels good, and fills my tank enough that I feel more empowered heading into less comfortable parts of life.

PA: We’re a little bit different in this way. Traveling is one of the things that helps me break out of the comfort zone of my home routine. Once I get someplace (Italy, usually) I’m almost as comfortable being away from home as you are. But the getting there—the planning (mostly, Amanda does that part; I consult), packing, making all the arrangements like paying bills, stopping the mail, making sure the pipes won’t freeze if it’s winter, then going through all the airport lines, the waiting, then the long, very uncomfortable (for me) flight, dealing with jetlag, etc. All that is like a jolt. And then when I recover I’m in a new comfort zone.

How much of this difference is a function of age? What do you think?

ZAN: I know plenty of people my age who aren’t comfortable traveling or leaving their routines, so I don’t think it’s generational exactly. Familial for sure—because you raised me with travel as a big part of our life, I got comfortable with being on the road from a young age and associate it with the security of being with my family. In a way, you and Mom made travel my comfort zone!

It does make sense to me, though, that younger people are more willing to go outside their comfort zones than older people. And it seems right that the elderly live out their last years or decades in comfort. As someone from *ahem ahem* an earlier generation than myself, would you agree?

PA: Way earlier. A generation and a half earlier. Why did the Universe wait so long to send you and your sister to us?! Maybe you were both part of God’s comfort zone and She didn’t want to let you go.

ZAN: Ha! That’s a cute image.

PA: To answer your question, I think older people have just dug themselves deeper into their routines over the decades, which is natural. And it’s almost always the case that it’s more physically challenging for older people to carry luggage, sit in a car or on a plane for hours, be away from their massage therapist, or cardiologist, or whatever.

I think we should draw a distinction here between physical and mental comfort, though the two often overlap. Mentally, psychologically, what factors do you need in your comfort zone, and what things disturb your inner peace?